Staying the Course

I've always been great at starting things. Someone once even called me a "fire starter." But staying the course is more difficult for me. I tend to get bored easily and lose momentum in just days. My new way of life is no different. I started off like a beast this week in qvr (quick visible results) with my trainer, doing two a days Monday and Tuesday, now on Saturday, I feel like I can barely get off the couch! Nevertheless, I am sticking to my eating and exercise plan and it feels good. 

The best thing I could have done was to create one sheet where I put all my workouts for the week and my meal plan. This has been my go-to document all week. When in doubt, I pull out the sheet. It has kept me grounded and safe when temptation came my way. I also planned in my favorite meal at the movie theatre- pizza and popcorn. I feel so in control and so empowered. But I still don't feel like getting off the couch today!

There is something else that keeps us grounded- prayer and time in the Word. It is the way we can stay grounded and look for ways to make good decision. It is a light unto our feet, a lamp unto our paths. There are so many resources that can be utilized if we just look for them. Workouts on youtube, trainers that will help for discounted prices, Body by Todd training deals on Groupon. We just have to open ourselves up. There is an old saying that goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher will come." So I am ready to change my life. This week was difficult, there was a lot of emotional issues that came up this week that tempted me to emotional eat. My Grandfather passed, my son started expressing his dissatisfaction with life, marital issues, etc. But I stayed the course- turned down Carmen's Cupcakes on Thursday and kept with my meal plan all week, even when I had to substitute meals. Knowing that I will have to weigh in has really helped to keep me on task but the trainer told us not to worry if we gain or fail to lose weight this week because we may retain water due to muscle soreness. So I'm going to continue to do my best and be loving and forgiving to myself. And guess what, I'm going to sit on this couch and enjoy the All Star Game, I got my 60 minutes of Cardio in and I'm chillin!!!!!!!

Goodbye Grandpa

Your Grandparents are 1/4 of who you are. So I found out tonight that I lost my Paternal Grandfather. A man known as RV- Richmond, Virginia. He was tall, dark, and nothing at all like I'd pictured him when I finally met him at the house before my baby sister's funeral. He wore a tupee, had big bulging eyes and was a man of few words. Even today, I can see the five or six times I saw him but I cannot recall his voice or his hug or his smile- although I do believe he smiled at me. 

I am his oldest living grandchild and I should have gone to see him. Just tonight I told my Maternal Grandma that I was going to see him- that I hoped he didn't die before I got to see him- like what happened with my grandma (Price). But less than three hours later a call from my Dad confirmed that it had happened again. And now 2/4 of who I am were gone- leaving me with more questions than answers- holes where memories and unconditional love should reside. 

I met him for the first time at the funeral- my little sister had died of complications of Downs Syndrome. 

Then there was the time my aunt took me over his house shortly after I'd had Kalia- behind my Dad's back. 

I saw him once in the hospital when the prognosis looked grim. He was laying there so helpless- nothing like the mean and surly abuser I'd heard stories about growing up. 

And then the last time I saw him- at my Grandmother's funeral in 2008- he looked like the more diminuitive version of himself. His eyes held me tenderly across the table, saying what his mouth and embrace never could say. It was his resemblance to my Dad that caused me to recognize him that day. And I proudly introduced my children to him saying- "That's your Great-Grandpa." They looked at me blankly and I knew the words were as devoid of meaning to them as they were to me. 

Now he's gone. And with him go all the dreams I had of having a big, fat, jolly Santa Claus Grandpa who would buy me ice cream and rub my knee when I fell. The truth is, I have failed him as much as he failed me. Perhaps he dreamed of his Granddaughter, The Lawyer, coming to reconcile things before he passed. But that day never came. And now I must live with, and make peace with that fact. RIP RV Price