Establing before Enlarging My Territory

I am a writer and soon I'll get to doing that, but for right now I'm trying to do better with what is already on my plate. A few years ago everyone was praying the Prayer of Jabez: "Enlarge my territory" however, something dropped in my Spirit: Before enlarging my territory, I need to be established with the territory I have already been entrusted with. How do I mean? Well, my dream car is a BMW 325. However, I need to treat my Chevy Equinox like it IS my dream car. My dream house is a 2,000 square foot mansion but I need to clean and care for my 903 foot ranch like it is that mansion. The same goes for my job, my kids, my husband, my body, my finances. The Bible says if we are faithful over a few things He will make is rulers over many. So many of us are waiting for the next big thing in our lives without realizing that today is the dream of yesterday. We are so busy getting to the next phase of life that we are not enjoying the here and now. No matter what your situation, you are blessed. You are not where you usedto be. You are the one who will be the Master of your fate. With God's help all things are possible. If you start walking by faith nothing will be impossible to you. Join your faith with other believers and watch things happen! 

Dealing with Life

Someone this weeks said, "It's always something!" And Tommy Gallo, when talking about his struggle with anxiety said you wake up and do what you have to do to get through the next day. What do you do when you confont adversity. I have been the type of person who let problems in life rattle me. It took me a year to get over failing the bar exam each time! Other times, grieving and trying to get over a relationship put me in a rebound relationship where my guard was down and the outcome was all bad. But Tommy got me to thinking. Stuff does always happen but what if we got up and kept going? Some people do this to the detriment of dealing with the stuff going on in their life. I'm not suggesting that. You have to deal with what is bothering you inside. However, you don't have to check out and risk your job, relationships or health while dealing with your stuff. Your routine helps you to keep going. Exercising and eating right are at the top of the list of things that will nourish you while you get through. In addition, praying and fasting will also help give you clarity and direction. It's always something and we would be naive to think that obstacles won't come. But what we choose to do in the meantime can make a big difference in the fallout. Because eventually, we will have to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. Thanks, Tommy! 

I see you

What impressed me about my Granny in the hospital yesterday was not her strength and resilience, it was the way she spoke to every Nurse, Doctor and Medical Assistance with politeness, dignity and respect. I had never noticed how polite she was. How she said thank you to everyone who came to service her. She recognized everyone in her circle. That was really powerful for me. I try to do that- to deal with everyone I come in contact with with respect. But here is my 93 year old Grandmother, sick, in the hospital, doing it. We are all valuable. Make eye contact and really see everyone you come in contact with today, for Granny. 

Transitions

It's been a roller coaster few weeks. The holiday season always brings a lot of mixed emotions. For years my family did Holiday traditions that separated us and caused lots of anxiety for me. We would go over my Dad's house for his annual holiday dinners (thanks Charlotte), but my Hubby wouldn't go and recently Kalia wouldn't go. So I made the difficult choice to start new family traditions with my family which caused a rift. So this holiday was filled with pride and unity and acceptance and warmth but I still felt a little guilt and anxiety and even like I was abandoning my Dad. But ultimately we have to move forward and grow and surround ourselves with those that see the best in our lives, our marriages and our children. I am so proud of the adults my children are becoming. Proud of Kalia's decision to marry and trust in love at a young age; proud of Kaissa's independent spirit, resiliency and adaptability. And Jamir is surprising me everyday with his care and concern for others and keeping up with his glasses, phone and house keys- huge things for him! Our family is not perfect but we are perfect for each other. My husband has stepped in as role model, father figure and father to five kids sans active biological fathers and one of his own. He does not have to engage but he chooses to, and I am grateful. So there were a lot of transitions at the end of the year. Sometimes growth and change is painful; but ut's always necessary.

My Granny

Most people who know me know my Granny is my everything. Well I got a text today from my Uncle that he had to take her to the hospital because she has been unable to keep food down for two days. After talking to my boss and co-workers I went to the hospital to see her. She had been re-hydrated and was feeling good. On the way home my 17-year old Kaissa said "I've constructed a narrative about Grandma that she is invincible." My first response was- that's not a narrative, it's the truth. Then I told her that narrative was a defense mechanism against the inevitability that one day she would leave us. I have cried my whole life over the thought that my Granny would one day leave me. It's a gut wrenching thought that brings tears to my eyes. She is the Lillie of my valley and I have never known a day without her love and support. I am praying and hoping that she recovers and comes home. I'm thinking of all my friends and families who have had to find an anchor when their Granny has gone on to glory. Praying for Granny and praying for our entire family. At the end of the day, all of our lives should glorify God. And my Granny's life does that, daily. 

Wading through the Storm: Fibromyalgia

Today is one of those days. Anyone who has been diagnosed with an auto immune disease knows what I'm talking about. You look fine, but you feel like a truck hit you. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2009 after years of chronic pain. It started in 2003 after I was in two car accidents within a few months of each other. I struggled to get out of bed during this time and always felt tired and lethargic. The pain and aches would come and go and usually came after I had "over done it." It wasn't until I was hospitalized and my blood pressure and labs were out of wack enough that I was finally diagnosed by the Rheumatologist as havign fibromyalgia: a chronic pain disease that can be triggered by illness or stress. So I overhauled a lot of things in my life in order to deal with my illness. I changed my diet to a mainly plant-based diet and eliminated fried food, fast food and most meat. Over time, the pain subsided and I began to enjoy life again. But this weather, the sudden cold is probably bringing on a fibromyalgia flare. I felt like I was coming down with the flu last night. Walking feels like wading through water, my arms feel heavy, there's a slight headache. How do we keep going when your body feels like it is shutting down? We focus on the positive: we know that this will only last for a short period of time; we can stretch and do yoga; enjoy a warm bath; stay warm (I have on the cutest sweater today and long johns under my jeans). We keep going because we must. Because sitting still under the blanket for too long makes us more stiff and then we start to feel sorry for ourselves. Auto immune disease means our body has turned on itself. I think it is the result of experiencing trauma and our body's attempt to make since of the lingering trauma in our bodies. Many people living with fibromyalgia have had abuse (physical and sexual) as well as car accidents as part of their history. All I can do is what I can do. I will love myself through the pain and get up tomorrow to see and conquer another day. That's what survivors do...

Success (preparation plus opportunity)

Success is when preparation meets opportunity. So many of us want something in life but yet we aren't doing anything towards our goal. I have always wanted to be a writer but for years I let fear of what others think keep me from writing. We are what I do. If we want to be healthy we need to make healthy choices. If we want to be happy we need to spread happiness. If we want consistency then we need to take steps to be consistent. That's my list. I am working on being present, happy, healthy and consistent. Opportunities come but we aren't ready. Being in shape helps us prepare for the next stage in life. Monday comes for us but are we ready? What can we do tonight that will ensure we have the Monday we desire? You decide. 

Welcome 2016

Thanking the Lord for another year. I was able to accomplish so much last year. I really got my weight and finances under control in 2015!!! I finally moved in with my husband after 7 years of marriage!! I have two children out of the house which feels amazing!!! Now for this current year. I want to deal with and conquer the fear that has kept me from writing and publishing. This year I want to complete my writings that I have started over the past 20 years. I finally have all my writings recovered and on one computer. So now I just have to make a decision on what I need to work on first and execute. I am so thankful and appreciative for all that I was able to accomplish last year. Some of the things I was able to do like purchasing my first home were because I worked hard since 2010 to get my credit right, save money, and because Huntington is a great bank! I was able to buy my home from my father which really made the process a lot easier. My goals are really the culmination of lots of small things done right. I got baby fever at the end of the year and struggled with whether or not there is room in our lives for another baby. At 40, I'm not sure it's something I can take on physically or mentally. But no one ever regrets having a baby! But now that my oldest is married, I'm sure Grandbabies are in my foreseeable future. So maybe that will fufill my fix. I have gained 8 pounds over the holiday so I've got to work to get that off! I'm going to relish every moment of 2016. Are you?