Walking in the Shadows

I have finally finished my grandmother’s book after 30 years. I started the book in 1992 as a Freshman at Vassar College. All these years I would start it but never finish it. I realized in therapy that I was afraid if I finished the book, I would lose her. It was my massage therapist who told me that through this book I was helping my wish that she would live forever, come true. I am so amazed by her clarity at 99-years-old and how well she remembers events that happened in her life. I can’t wait to share this, along with some other things I’ve been working on, including a children’s book I wrote 15 years ago!!! The theme for this year for me is completion. I knew as soon as I graduated with my doctorate last May that Granny’s book would be the next thing I worked on. I can’t wait to share it with you all!

Tough times Don’t Last Tough People Do

These times we are living in are so unbelievable. The past two years I was not in a position to blog. I was in a stressful job where I was constantly feeling like I had to prove myself and I wasn’t good enough. When I finally realized that the environment was not conducive to my growth and health, I started to get better. My blood pressure returned to normal after being high for 18 months and I began to work two full time jobs in place of the one job!!! Whoo whee! When you trust in God He will see you through.

Our family has been through a lot in these two years as well. I have 3 grown kids right now, all doing their own thing and three kids still at home. We are all working on loving and caring for each other more and it’s not always easy.

The main reason I started to blog is to keep my sanity. It’s why I started writing in the first place. When I’m in situations where I fear I will explode, I just start writing. Sometimes it’s a letter, sometimes it’s a prayer. But it always gets what I’m feeling up and out. This COVID-19 thing is straight out of a nightmare. As if the stress of possibly catching something that could kill you isn’t enough, many of us are laid off- some with children who have lost all routine and stability and we are expected to homeschool them while juggling and dealing with our own emotions. 

I’m blessed to still be working at HCGC, a job and career I love in the heathcare field, but my legal work came to a grinding halt. And as an empath, I feel deeply for my friends and family who are out of work and struggling to make ends meet with no end in sight. 

Those of us with children with Autism or ADHD may be especially overwhelmed at being unable to control our childrens reactions to what is going on. You are not alone. We have to remember that our children are gifts from God and that all things will work together for the good, to those who love God and are called according to His purpose: even this. The good is found in the small choices we make. The choices to forgive or overlook; the choice to hold our child for an extra minute rather than sending them away in frustration; the choice to kiss our spouse like we’re going on a hot date rather than push them away. 

Being transparent about how you are feeling will go a long way in keeping your relationships solid. It’s okay to say I’m scared. I’m scared. Not of getting sick because I had pneumonia in February and it was awful. I scared for the ways COVID-19 may change life as we know it. And that we may not rebound. And that tyranny may continue to win...

But just as there are new buds on my daughters plant, there is hope. And hope springs eternal. There may be a wait, or a delay, but change is gon’ come. And as Brother Cecil says, I’m gonna stay ready so I don’t have to get ready. I may not feel like it but everyday, I’m going to do something that my future self will thank me for. I did yoga today and it felt great. I was thinking about the flexible old lady I’ll become, telling Mila and Mali about the virus of 2020, just as my Granny told me how her Dad lost everything in the Great Depression. 

We have to hold on, not to material things but to each other. This too shall pass...

Welcome New Year! or Good morning Heartache

2018 is here! Amidst the celebrations, new years resolutions and renewal that is in the air, there is a lot to try to sift through. If you are like me, you have had a heck of a year last year, 2017 was rough on us all, personally, professionally, nationally, locally. It was a rough year for those experiencing loss, the hurricanes, financial perils, and personal let downs and disappointments. For some of us, 2017 brought things we never expected and did not anticipate. But there are winds of promise blowing through with 2018 and I feel them even as I deal with a very personal crisis.

The one thing I was looking forward to over the Christmas holiday was time off of work and spending that time with all six of my children and my life partner, Gal. I was looking forward to my daughter being home from her third year at Howard University and all of the kids being under one roof for the holidays. What I did not know I was going to be dealing with was a very sick daughter. She came home and had to be rushed to the hospital the next day. We are still waiting on a diagnosis and treatment plan. In the meantime I have had to find my optimism and continue planning on how to have a great new year.

Our babies are everything to us. We would rather go through than to have them go through something. We cannot do life for them, nor could we take and shield them from pain and heartache. It has been said to have a child is to have your heart walking around on the outside of our bodies. It is true. But our children are not us. Our children are individuals that just happen to have our DNA. We have to know how and when to let go.

When I had my oldest daughter, I never wanted her to experience pain. I didn't want her to fall. So consequently, I barely put her down on the grown. It should come to no surprise that it took her until she was sixteen months to learn how to walk. I learned quickly that falling is part of learning. And that trying to keep her from experiencing pain can also keep her from experiencing the necessary steps of development. I learned so with the rest of my kids, I let them fall and learn to get back up themselves.

My second daughter was so independent, I could not have kept her from learning how to walk. When she was born, the Doctor looked at her scowling face and said, awww, baby, you don't have to worry about paying the rent, yet. Poor baby. She was serious and determined, like she'd been here before. She was a little mama. An old lady in a baby's body. She was strong, and I pray that her strength comes back to her.

She's Back

So glad to be back to writing! I've always had this thing where I only wrote when things were dismal. It seemed to boring to sit down and write when things were going well. But when my back was up against the wall or when my stomach was in knots, I had to write to breathe. Well, being a writer, I'm always writing in my head, there's always an imaginary audience that I am interfacing with and that's what makes blogging so cool. It's like you are having the conversation in your head but you get to share it with an audience that may find it beneficial.

So today I'm in my second day of jury duty and it's the second day of the month and there's something that just feels significant about that. Along with the current transition to fall it just felt like a good time to write so here I am. One thing I love about writing in my blog is that I get to see how cyclical life is... there are times when I feel like I'm thinking or realizing something for the first time and then I read my blog only to discover that I had this realization a long time ago and I'm just (re)membering it again. Life is like that, we know who we are only to lose who we are, only to find who we are again.

There's been a lot going on since the last time I wrote. There are some things I'm more sure of while other things I'm more unsure about. One thing is for certain, all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose. So I know that no matter how crazy it looks today, it is all working out for my good.

This weekend it was heavy on my mind to pray for and consider my ancestors. Some of the things we go through are about us and the choices that we make, but somethings are also passed down from others iniquities, so trying to understand what things need to be uncovered and dealt with are the season I am in right now.

What came to me over the weekend was that I had a dream that I was walking around, looking for something and as I was walking around people kept vomiting and their vomit was getting on me and as I was walking I was looking for a restroom to wash up but I couldn't find any. So I finally get to this restaurant with my husband and this Asian lady came to the table. I told her what happened (I think I told it to her as if it was a dream in which it happened). She said this was the ancestors letting me know that the ancestors were letting me know that they were not healed, that I needed to complete the healing so they could rest. I woke up overwhelmed with a need to pray for the unresolved wounds of our ancestors.

When I asked God what I was supposed to do with the information that I had been given, I was told to do the following:
1. Make a list of the family transgressions by name: e.g. Uncle John- alcohol, Grandpa- adultery, etc.
2. Pray a prayer of repentance for those specific sins: e.g. I repent for Grandpa for his cheating on Grandma- I stand in the gap and ask for forgiveness of his sins and the seeds that were planted in his sin.
3. Make a list of those in your blood line that were brokenhearted- be as specific as possible- e.g. Aunt was brokenhearted when her first husband died.
4. Pray for those brokenhearted.

Do the same things for all of your children and then for yourself. What transgressions do you see in your children that came from your ancestors? Call them out by name. A transgression is a sin that is repeated over and over until an individual is in bondage and no longer even feels bad about the action. Job repented for the sins of his children so stand in the gap and repent on behalf of your children.

I believe that God wants to set us free but He also wants us to see that our immediate family is our first ministry. So many are called to ministry but their families and personal lives are in shambles. There is no victory in that. Others will be drawn when they see the power of God at work in your life. Let's go back so we can go forward!

The New Normal

Our new normal is seeing our world in chaos. I saw a meme recently that said remember when the biggest problem we had was (First Lady) Michelle Obama's arms showing or that beige suit President Obama wore? We are in too deep, with no end in sight. We have turned a corner as a Nation to where there is no going back. For a lot of us realist and pessimist, we knew that racism was still alive, it's fires still being stoked, to use Cassanova Green's metaphor. But I wonder how those who thought racism was over, that the election of President Obama meant clear skies ahead, how are those people processing the images from Charlottesville, VA this weekend.

For those that don't know, a woman was killed and a man beaten almost to death while dozens of others were injured and two troopers lost their lives in the helicopter crash; all because white nationalist and Nazi's and white militia groups wanted to come out and try to scare and intimidate someone. They thought their tiki torches would instill fear in our hearts. They thought their chants would make us run for cover. Well, they were wrong.

The way to fight terrorism is to stand strong and not be afraid. Like dogs, they smell fear. Many of us are fighting terrorism in our own way and I applaud you all for the steps you are taking to not live in fear. To not let these images define how you interact with people. It sounds cliched and Martin Luther (the) Kingish to say but Love will always win. And I have hope, regardless of what it looks like, that what needs to come out of this treacherous time in our history, will be birthed. I have seen so much creativity as a result of these past few years of reinvigorated overt racism, I have seen a look in my sister and brothers eyes, I have seen co-workers standing up to their family for people that don't look like them, and I see interracial relationships around me persist, nevertheless.

I am determined to fight against this terrorism. I always wanted to live through the 60s so I could walk around with a big afro and a black leather jacket full of black power buttons yelling "Power to the People." Well, the 60s has descended among me, and I am left wondering how to make an impact. For right now, I am choosing one thing a day to do that is a counter-terrorism act.

Day One: I chose love;
Day two: I got on the treadmill;
Day Three: I got a massage and I'm going to therapy.
I will do everything I can to keep my mind strong and free and to show those around me what free living and loving looks like. I may not be the Martin or Malcolm of my generation, I'll leave that up to Maxine Waters, Shaun King and Kiese Laymon and other fearless leaders, but I will be that pebble in the pond. I will make waves, I will not be silenced. I will not fear. I will walk in faith, I will maintain my hope, and I will raise my children to believe in a world where they are loved and adored for who they are and they have the support they need to become the wonderful adults they are intended to become. We will rise on the ashes of everything those tiki torches intended to burn down. We will make it through this time: the new normal.

Deepak and Oprah- Day One

Who am I? A divine soul. I am the woman that my ancestors prayed to be. I am earth, brown and round and soft and fertile. I am an able and willing vessel for God to use for His Glory. I am God's Glory. I am the twinkle in God's smile. I am the sunlight after the rain. I have traveled through storms to give a glimpse of the harvest that comes afterwards. I am Cleopatra and Nefertiti. I am a Mountain beside a stream. I am the Koi fish in the pond. Longevity, crafty, witty, a survivalist and a survivor. I am an artist, sculptor, a co-pilot witnessing God's miracles. I am macaroni and cheese at Grandmama's house. I am sofisticated soul. I am an allegory within an algorithm. I am my own knight in shining armour. A night in my own shining arms. I am the hug after the skinned knee. I am everything. I am nothingness, stillness, infinite space. I am a paradoxical paradigm. I am magical madness. I am the sowet, the planter and the gatherer. I am the sift wind and the hurricane. I am a brick house. A lighthouse. A birdhouse. A Traphouse. A Greenhouse. A spaceship, a yatcht, a garden, a refuse, a blueprint. I am. I was. I will always be. You. 

Making of a Boss

I have learned so much about the business I'm in from past experiences.

1. Working at record companies in college taught me I didn't want to sign a contract as an unsigned author. I wanted to be in control of my product and image. This was '93, '94 before Jay-Z, Puffy and Master P made it grassroots. I saw how artists who were platinum owed the record company. I also saw how complex the contracts were. This influenced my decision to go to law school. 

2. Price Productions: my Dad ran a video and audio business in the 80s and 90s. He was very professional- business cards, T-shirts the whole 9. He videotaped weddings, graduations, and provided the sound system as well. I learned punctuality, presentation and word of mouth is your best marketing tool. 

3. Gal Ben Haim- he came to the US with very little and has built a successful locksmith business and property management company. He taught me to reinvest the money I make back in the business and to take calculated risks after the bills are paid. 

4. Mary Kay taught me God, family and buisness in that order. Also that making money can be fun and you need a team. 

5. Shatana Johnson taught me to always have a cash box with change and multiple ways people can buy your item and to always do everything in excellence. 

6. Kimya Jones taught me to be relentless. 

7. Iyanla Vanzant taught me that I could self-publish and make an impact.

8. Beyonce taught me the sneak move is the way to go! 

So I hope you are enjoying your Love Letters book! If not, order today www.tanikkaprice.com

Http://www.lulu.com/shop/tanikka-price/love-letter-black-girl-song-vol-i/paperback/product-23152996.html

Love Letters: From my heart to yours

Why is Love Letters so special? 

1. I wrote these letters for me- to help me deal with strong emotions I was struggling with... Some of the relationships got better after I wrote the letters, some got worse. But I found my voice and my power.

2. Love Letters was so intimate that the first time I released it in 2009, I did so under my rap name: Red Letter. It took some time but I finally merged Red Letter with Tanikka Price- put fear into perspective, got rid of the shame and guilt and here you have it. 

3. I asked God when I was goinv through to allow my pain to help others and that has truly happened. I loved seeing Amber Broadus' reaction to Love Letters. She knows me so well, knows all my stories, I've mentored, taught and life coached her- yet I could see how impactful my words were as she read them. It meant so much to watch her share my book on fb. 

4. Love Letters is proof that dreams do come true! I went to college as a future English Major. I couldn't wait to write my first book. My Freshman English Professor made copies of my paper and passed them out and proceeded to tell the class that this was an example of what NOT to do in Freshman English. I did not write creatively for 3 years. Perhaps Mr. Moore though he was giving me tough love but it crushed my Spirit. So this book has been 25 years in the birthing canal. All I had to do the whole time was PUSH!