2018 is here! Amidst the celebrations, new years resolutions and renewal that is in the air, there is a lot to try to sift through. If you are like me, you have had a heck of a year last year, 2017 was rough on us all, personally, professionally, nationally, locally. It was a rough year for those experiencing loss, the hurricanes, financial perils, and personal let downs and disappointments. For some of us, 2017 brought things we never expected and did not anticipate. But there are winds of promise blowing through with 2018 and I feel them even as I deal with a very personal crisis.
The one thing I was looking forward to over the Christmas holiday was time off of work and spending that time with all six of my children and my life partner, Gal. I was looking forward to my daughter being home from her third year at Howard University and all of the kids being under one roof for the holidays. What I did not know I was going to be dealing with was a very sick daughter. She came home and had to be rushed to the hospital the next day. We are still waiting on a diagnosis and treatment plan. In the meantime I have had to find my optimism and continue planning on how to have a great new year.
Our babies are everything to us. We would rather go through than to have them go through something. We cannot do life for them, nor could we take and shield them from pain and heartache. It has been said to have a child is to have your heart walking around on the outside of our bodies. It is true. But our children are not us. Our children are individuals that just happen to have our DNA. We have to know how and when to let go.
When I had my oldest daughter, I never wanted her to experience pain. I didn't want her to fall. So consequently, I barely put her down on the grown. It should come to no surprise that it took her until she was sixteen months to learn how to walk. I learned quickly that falling is part of learning. And that trying to keep her from experiencing pain can also keep her from experiencing the necessary steps of development. I learned so with the rest of my kids, I let them fall and learn to get back up themselves.
My second daughter was so independent, I could not have kept her from learning how to walk. When she was born, the Doctor looked at her scowling face and said, awww, baby, you don't have to worry about paying the rent, yet. Poor baby. She was serious and determined, like she'd been here before. She was a little mama. An old lady in a baby's body. She was strong, and I pray that her strength comes back to her.
Tuesday, October 02, 2018
She's Back
So glad to be back to writing! I've always had this thing where I only wrote when things were dismal. It seemed to boring to sit down and write when things were going well. But when my back was up against the wall or when my stomach was in knots, I had to write to breathe. Well, being a writer, I'm always writing in my head, there's always an imaginary audience that I am interfacing with and that's what makes blogging so cool. It's like you are having the conversation in your head but you get to share it with an audience that may find it beneficial.
So today I'm in my second day of jury duty and it's the second day of the month and there's something that just feels significant about that. Along with the current transition to fall it just felt like a good time to write so here I am. One thing I love about writing in my blog is that I get to see how cyclical life is... there are times when I feel like I'm thinking or realizing something for the first time and then I read my blog only to discover that I had this realization a long time ago and I'm just (re)membering it again. Life is like that, we know who we are only to lose who we are, only to find who we are again.
There's been a lot going on since the last time I wrote. There are some things I'm more sure of while other things I'm more unsure about. One thing is for certain, all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose. So I know that no matter how crazy it looks today, it is all working out for my good.
This weekend it was heavy on my mind to pray for and consider my ancestors. Some of the things we go through are about us and the choices that we make, but somethings are also passed down from others iniquities, so trying to understand what things need to be uncovered and dealt with are the season I am in right now.
What came to me over the weekend was that I had a dream that I was walking around, looking for something and as I was walking around people kept vomiting and their vomit was getting on me and as I was walking I was looking for a restroom to wash up but I couldn't find any. So I finally get to this restaurant with my husband and this Asian lady came to the table. I told her what happened (I think I told it to her as if it was a dream in which it happened). She said this was the ancestors letting me know that the ancestors were letting me know that they were not healed, that I needed to complete the healing so they could rest. I woke up overwhelmed with a need to pray for the unresolved wounds of our ancestors.
When I asked God what I was supposed to do with the information that I had been given, I was told to do the following:
1. Make a list of the family transgressions by name: e.g. Uncle John- alcohol, Grandpa- adultery, etc.
2. Pray a prayer of repentance for those specific sins: e.g. I repent for Grandpa for his cheating on Grandma- I stand in the gap and ask for forgiveness of his sins and the seeds that were planted in his sin.
3. Make a list of those in your blood line that were brokenhearted- be as specific as possible- e.g. Aunt was brokenhearted when her first husband died.
4. Pray for those brokenhearted.
Do the same things for all of your children and then for yourself. What transgressions do you see in your children that came from your ancestors? Call them out by name. A transgression is a sin that is repeated over and over until an individual is in bondage and no longer even feels bad about the action. Job repented for the sins of his children so stand in the gap and repent on behalf of your children.
I believe that God wants to set us free but He also wants us to see that our immediate family is our first ministry. So many are called to ministry but their families and personal lives are in shambles. There is no victory in that. Others will be drawn when they see the power of God at work in your life. Let's go back so we can go forward!
So today I'm in my second day of jury duty and it's the second day of the month and there's something that just feels significant about that. Along with the current transition to fall it just felt like a good time to write so here I am. One thing I love about writing in my blog is that I get to see how cyclical life is... there are times when I feel like I'm thinking or realizing something for the first time and then I read my blog only to discover that I had this realization a long time ago and I'm just (re)membering it again. Life is like that, we know who we are only to lose who we are, only to find who we are again.
There's been a lot going on since the last time I wrote. There are some things I'm more sure of while other things I'm more unsure about. One thing is for certain, all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose. So I know that no matter how crazy it looks today, it is all working out for my good.
This weekend it was heavy on my mind to pray for and consider my ancestors. Some of the things we go through are about us and the choices that we make, but somethings are also passed down from others iniquities, so trying to understand what things need to be uncovered and dealt with are the season I am in right now.
What came to me over the weekend was that I had a dream that I was walking around, looking for something and as I was walking around people kept vomiting and their vomit was getting on me and as I was walking I was looking for a restroom to wash up but I couldn't find any. So I finally get to this restaurant with my husband and this Asian lady came to the table. I told her what happened (I think I told it to her as if it was a dream in which it happened). She said this was the ancestors letting me know that the ancestors were letting me know that they were not healed, that I needed to complete the healing so they could rest. I woke up overwhelmed with a need to pray for the unresolved wounds of our ancestors.
When I asked God what I was supposed to do with the information that I had been given, I was told to do the following:
1. Make a list of the family transgressions by name: e.g. Uncle John- alcohol, Grandpa- adultery, etc.
2. Pray a prayer of repentance for those specific sins: e.g. I repent for Grandpa for his cheating on Grandma- I stand in the gap and ask for forgiveness of his sins and the seeds that were planted in his sin.
3. Make a list of those in your blood line that were brokenhearted- be as specific as possible- e.g. Aunt was brokenhearted when her first husband died.
4. Pray for those brokenhearted.
Do the same things for all of your children and then for yourself. What transgressions do you see in your children that came from your ancestors? Call them out by name. A transgression is a sin that is repeated over and over until an individual is in bondage and no longer even feels bad about the action. Job repented for the sins of his children so stand in the gap and repent on behalf of your children.
I believe that God wants to set us free but He also wants us to see that our immediate family is our first ministry. So many are called to ministry but their families and personal lives are in shambles. There is no victory in that. Others will be drawn when they see the power of God at work in your life. Let's go back so we can go forward!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)