Walking in the Shadows

I have finally finished my grandmother’s book after 30 years. I started the book in 1992 as a Freshman at Vassar College. All these years I would start it but never finish it. I realized in therapy that I was afraid if I finished the book, I would lose her. It was my massage therapist who told me that through this book I was helping my wish that she would live forever, come true. I am so amazed by her clarity at 99-years-old and how well she remembers events that happened in her life. I can’t wait to share this, along with some other things I’ve been working on, including a children’s book I wrote 15 years ago!!! The theme for this year for me is completion. I knew as soon as I graduated with my doctorate last May that Granny’s book would be the next thing I worked on. I can’t wait to share it with you all!

Tough times Don’t Last Tough People Do

These times we are living in are so unbelievable. The past two years I was not in a position to blog. I was in a stressful job where I was constantly feeling like I had to prove myself and I wasn’t good enough. When I finally realized that the environment was not conducive to my growth and health, I started to get better. My blood pressure returned to normal after being high for 18 months and I began to work two full time jobs in place of the one job!!! Whoo whee! When you trust in God He will see you through.

Our family has been through a lot in these two years as well. I have 3 grown kids right now, all doing their own thing and three kids still at home. We are all working on loving and caring for each other more and it’s not always easy.

The main reason I started to blog is to keep my sanity. It’s why I started writing in the first place. When I’m in situations where I fear I will explode, I just start writing. Sometimes it’s a letter, sometimes it’s a prayer. But it always gets what I’m feeling up and out. This COVID-19 thing is straight out of a nightmare. As if the stress of possibly catching something that could kill you isn’t enough, many of us are laid off- some with children who have lost all routine and stability and we are expected to homeschool them while juggling and dealing with our own emotions. 

I’m blessed to still be working at HCGC, a job and career I love in the heathcare field, but my legal work came to a grinding halt. And as an empath, I feel deeply for my friends and family who are out of work and struggling to make ends meet with no end in sight. 

Those of us with children with Autism or ADHD may be especially overwhelmed at being unable to control our childrens reactions to what is going on. You are not alone. We have to remember that our children are gifts from God and that all things will work together for the good, to those who love God and are called according to His purpose: even this. The good is found in the small choices we make. The choices to forgive or overlook; the choice to hold our child for an extra minute rather than sending them away in frustration; the choice to kiss our spouse like we’re going on a hot date rather than push them away. 

Being transparent about how you are feeling will go a long way in keeping your relationships solid. It’s okay to say I’m scared. I’m scared. Not of getting sick because I had pneumonia in February and it was awful. I scared for the ways COVID-19 may change life as we know it. And that we may not rebound. And that tyranny may continue to win...

But just as there are new buds on my daughters plant, there is hope. And hope springs eternal. There may be a wait, or a delay, but change is gon’ come. And as Brother Cecil says, I’m gonna stay ready so I don’t have to get ready. I may not feel like it but everyday, I’m going to do something that my future self will thank me for. I did yoga today and it felt great. I was thinking about the flexible old lady I’ll become, telling Mila and Mali about the virus of 2020, just as my Granny told me how her Dad lost everything in the Great Depression. 

We have to hold on, not to material things but to each other. This too shall pass...

Welcome New Year! or Good morning Heartache

2018 is here! Amidst the celebrations, new years resolutions and renewal that is in the air, there is a lot to try to sift through. If you are like me, you have had a heck of a year last year, 2017 was rough on us all, personally, professionally, nationally, locally. It was a rough year for those experiencing loss, the hurricanes, financial perils, and personal let downs and disappointments. For some of us, 2017 brought things we never expected and did not anticipate. But there are winds of promise blowing through with 2018 and I feel them even as I deal with a very personal crisis.

The one thing I was looking forward to over the Christmas holiday was time off of work and spending that time with all six of my children and my life partner, Gal. I was looking forward to my daughter being home from her third year at Howard University and all of the kids being under one roof for the holidays. What I did not know I was going to be dealing with was a very sick daughter. She came home and had to be rushed to the hospital the next day. We are still waiting on a diagnosis and treatment plan. In the meantime I have had to find my optimism and continue planning on how to have a great new year.

Our babies are everything to us. We would rather go through than to have them go through something. We cannot do life for them, nor could we take and shield them from pain and heartache. It has been said to have a child is to have your heart walking around on the outside of our bodies. It is true. But our children are not us. Our children are individuals that just happen to have our DNA. We have to know how and when to let go.

When I had my oldest daughter, I never wanted her to experience pain. I didn't want her to fall. So consequently, I barely put her down on the grown. It should come to no surprise that it took her until she was sixteen months to learn how to walk. I learned quickly that falling is part of learning. And that trying to keep her from experiencing pain can also keep her from experiencing the necessary steps of development. I learned so with the rest of my kids, I let them fall and learn to get back up themselves.

My second daughter was so independent, I could not have kept her from learning how to walk. When she was born, the Doctor looked at her scowling face and said, awww, baby, you don't have to worry about paying the rent, yet. Poor baby. She was serious and determined, like she'd been here before. She was a little mama. An old lady in a baby's body. She was strong, and I pray that her strength comes back to her.

She's Back

So glad to be back to writing! I've always had this thing where I only wrote when things were dismal. It seemed to boring to sit down and write when things were going well. But when my back was up against the wall or when my stomach was in knots, I had to write to breathe. Well, being a writer, I'm always writing in my head, there's always an imaginary audience that I am interfacing with and that's what makes blogging so cool. It's like you are having the conversation in your head but you get to share it with an audience that may find it beneficial.

So today I'm in my second day of jury duty and it's the second day of the month and there's something that just feels significant about that. Along with the current transition to fall it just felt like a good time to write so here I am. One thing I love about writing in my blog is that I get to see how cyclical life is... there are times when I feel like I'm thinking or realizing something for the first time and then I read my blog only to discover that I had this realization a long time ago and I'm just (re)membering it again. Life is like that, we know who we are only to lose who we are, only to find who we are again.

There's been a lot going on since the last time I wrote. There are some things I'm more sure of while other things I'm more unsure about. One thing is for certain, all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose. So I know that no matter how crazy it looks today, it is all working out for my good.

This weekend it was heavy on my mind to pray for and consider my ancestors. Some of the things we go through are about us and the choices that we make, but somethings are also passed down from others iniquities, so trying to understand what things need to be uncovered and dealt with are the season I am in right now.

What came to me over the weekend was that I had a dream that I was walking around, looking for something and as I was walking around people kept vomiting and their vomit was getting on me and as I was walking I was looking for a restroom to wash up but I couldn't find any. So I finally get to this restaurant with my husband and this Asian lady came to the table. I told her what happened (I think I told it to her as if it was a dream in which it happened). She said this was the ancestors letting me know that the ancestors were letting me know that they were not healed, that I needed to complete the healing so they could rest. I woke up overwhelmed with a need to pray for the unresolved wounds of our ancestors.

When I asked God what I was supposed to do with the information that I had been given, I was told to do the following:
1. Make a list of the family transgressions by name: e.g. Uncle John- alcohol, Grandpa- adultery, etc.
2. Pray a prayer of repentance for those specific sins: e.g. I repent for Grandpa for his cheating on Grandma- I stand in the gap and ask for forgiveness of his sins and the seeds that were planted in his sin.
3. Make a list of those in your blood line that were brokenhearted- be as specific as possible- e.g. Aunt was brokenhearted when her first husband died.
4. Pray for those brokenhearted.

Do the same things for all of your children and then for yourself. What transgressions do you see in your children that came from your ancestors? Call them out by name. A transgression is a sin that is repeated over and over until an individual is in bondage and no longer even feels bad about the action. Job repented for the sins of his children so stand in the gap and repent on behalf of your children.

I believe that God wants to set us free but He also wants us to see that our immediate family is our first ministry. So many are called to ministry but their families and personal lives are in shambles. There is no victory in that. Others will be drawn when they see the power of God at work in your life. Let's go back so we can go forward!

The New Normal

Our new normal is seeing our world in chaos. I saw a meme recently that said remember when the biggest problem we had was (First Lady) Michelle Obama's arms showing or that beige suit President Obama wore? We are in too deep, with no end in sight. We have turned a corner as a Nation to where there is no going back. For a lot of us realist and pessimist, we knew that racism was still alive, it's fires still being stoked, to use Cassanova Green's metaphor. But I wonder how those who thought racism was over, that the election of President Obama meant clear skies ahead, how are those people processing the images from Charlottesville, VA this weekend.

For those that don't know, a woman was killed and a man beaten almost to death while dozens of others were injured and two troopers lost their lives in the helicopter crash; all because white nationalist and Nazi's and white militia groups wanted to come out and try to scare and intimidate someone. They thought their tiki torches would instill fear in our hearts. They thought their chants would make us run for cover. Well, they were wrong.

The way to fight terrorism is to stand strong and not be afraid. Like dogs, they smell fear. Many of us are fighting terrorism in our own way and I applaud you all for the steps you are taking to not live in fear. To not let these images define how you interact with people. It sounds cliched and Martin Luther (the) Kingish to say but Love will always win. And I have hope, regardless of what it looks like, that what needs to come out of this treacherous time in our history, will be birthed. I have seen so much creativity as a result of these past few years of reinvigorated overt racism, I have seen a look in my sister and brothers eyes, I have seen co-workers standing up to their family for people that don't look like them, and I see interracial relationships around me persist, nevertheless.

I am determined to fight against this terrorism. I always wanted to live through the 60s so I could walk around with a big afro and a black leather jacket full of black power buttons yelling "Power to the People." Well, the 60s has descended among me, and I am left wondering how to make an impact. For right now, I am choosing one thing a day to do that is a counter-terrorism act.

Day One: I chose love;
Day two: I got on the treadmill;
Day Three: I got a massage and I'm going to therapy.
I will do everything I can to keep my mind strong and free and to show those around me what free living and loving looks like. I may not be the Martin or Malcolm of my generation, I'll leave that up to Maxine Waters, Shaun King and Kiese Laymon and other fearless leaders, but I will be that pebble in the pond. I will make waves, I will not be silenced. I will not fear. I will walk in faith, I will maintain my hope, and I will raise my children to believe in a world where they are loved and adored for who they are and they have the support they need to become the wonderful adults they are intended to become. We will rise on the ashes of everything those tiki torches intended to burn down. We will make it through this time: the new normal.

Deepak and Oprah- Day One

Who am I? A divine soul. I am the woman that my ancestors prayed to be. I am earth, brown and round and soft and fertile. I am an able and willing vessel for God to use for His Glory. I am God's Glory. I am the twinkle in God's smile. I am the sunlight after the rain. I have traveled through storms to give a glimpse of the harvest that comes afterwards. I am Cleopatra and Nefertiti. I am a Mountain beside a stream. I am the Koi fish in the pond. Longevity, crafty, witty, a survivalist and a survivor. I am an artist, sculptor, a co-pilot witnessing God's miracles. I am macaroni and cheese at Grandmama's house. I am sofisticated soul. I am an allegory within an algorithm. I am my own knight in shining armour. A night in my own shining arms. I am the hug after the skinned knee. I am everything. I am nothingness, stillness, infinite space. I am a paradoxical paradigm. I am magical madness. I am the sowet, the planter and the gatherer. I am the sift wind and the hurricane. I am a brick house. A lighthouse. A birdhouse. A Traphouse. A Greenhouse. A spaceship, a yatcht, a garden, a refuse, a blueprint. I am. I was. I will always be. You. 

Making of a Boss

I have learned so much about the business I'm in from past experiences.

1. Working at record companies in college taught me I didn't want to sign a contract as an unsigned author. I wanted to be in control of my product and image. This was '93, '94 before Jay-Z, Puffy and Master P made it grassroots. I saw how artists who were platinum owed the record company. I also saw how complex the contracts were. This influenced my decision to go to law school. 

2. Price Productions: my Dad ran a video and audio business in the 80s and 90s. He was very professional- business cards, T-shirts the whole 9. He videotaped weddings, graduations, and provided the sound system as well. I learned punctuality, presentation and word of mouth is your best marketing tool. 

3. Gal Ben Haim- he came to the US with very little and has built a successful locksmith business and property management company. He taught me to reinvest the money I make back in the business and to take calculated risks after the bills are paid. 

4. Mary Kay taught me God, family and buisness in that order. Also that making money can be fun and you need a team. 

5. Shatana Johnson taught me to always have a cash box with change and multiple ways people can buy your item and to always do everything in excellence. 

6. Kimya Jones taught me to be relentless. 

7. Iyanla Vanzant taught me that I could self-publish and make an impact.

8. Beyonce taught me the sneak move is the way to go! 

So I hope you are enjoying your Love Letters book! If not, order today www.tanikkaprice.com

Http://www.lulu.com/shop/tanikka-price/love-letter-black-girl-song-vol-i/paperback/product-23152996.html

Love Letters: From my heart to yours

Why is Love Letters so special? 

1. I wrote these letters for me- to help me deal with strong emotions I was struggling with... Some of the relationships got better after I wrote the letters, some got worse. But I found my voice and my power.

2. Love Letters was so intimate that the first time I released it in 2009, I did so under my rap name: Red Letter. It took some time but I finally merged Red Letter with Tanikka Price- put fear into perspective, got rid of the shame and guilt and here you have it. 

3. I asked God when I was goinv through to allow my pain to help others and that has truly happened. I loved seeing Amber Broadus' reaction to Love Letters. She knows me so well, knows all my stories, I've mentored, taught and life coached her- yet I could see how impactful my words were as she read them. It meant so much to watch her share my book on fb. 

4. Love Letters is proof that dreams do come true! I went to college as a future English Major. I couldn't wait to write my first book. My Freshman English Professor made copies of my paper and passed them out and proceeded to tell the class that this was an example of what NOT to do in Freshman English. I did not write creatively for 3 years. Perhaps Mr. Moore though he was giving me tough love but it crushed my Spirit. So this book has been 25 years in the birthing canal. All I had to do the whole time was PUSH! 

New Vision

Behold I will do a new thing and it will Spring forth. Today I dropped my new book, new website and started a new blog. I also just picked up my new glasses. The lenses are much more crisp than the old lenses I was wearing. This led me to think what is the difference between when I released my Love Letter book in 2009 and today? It's kind of like the difference between yesterday's lenses and todays. 

Back to Basics, Again and Again

There is always a chance to start over. No matter the circumstance, no matter the struggle there is always a chance to reset. Over the years, the ability to reset has really served me well. It helped me to handle almost dropping out of college, dealing with unplanned pregnancies, failing my first year of law school, healing and recovering after a failed marriage and handling lots of other major disappointments and upsets. One thing that has enabled me to keep moving forward is to go back to basics. Back to basics entails a lot of things but basically it means going back to what has worked for me in the past and what worked for generations before me.

Here are some of the steps I implore to get back to basics:
1. Sleep: When you are going through things one of the first things to go is sleep. However, we cannot function without enough sleep. If you cannot sleep it could be because you have too much on your mind or you are worrying. Something that can help that is to journal or make lists before you go to bed. Also, it's helpful to turn off all lights and electronics in your room prior to going to sleep. One thing that helps me sleep is to create white noise in the room. It kind of lulls you to sleep. Prayer and meditation, using the Calm.com app also help to calm you to sleep before you go to sleep. You have to make up in your mind that sleep is essential. Also it's worth noting that the keys to a good day start the night before.

2. Water: Our bodies need water to function. You hear it said over and over and that's because it's that important. However, many people do not drink the required amount of water for their body to function properly. If you are feeling tired, sluggish and weak, put down the caffeine and sugary sweetened beverages and pick up a nice glass of water. Water first, for thirst. Getting the habit of drinking water is beneficial long-term but the benefits are immediate.

3, Pray/Meditate/Journal: All of these things require quiet time and reflection, something that is really missing from our fast-paced lives. I think of the simpleness of days before and how much time people had just to sit and think. Heck, I remember when the TV used to go off! Forcing you to do something different. Now we can entertain ourselves through social media or TV but what time are we spending working on ourselves and our futures? Time spent in prayer and meditation should be more than just asking for things, it should also be able listening to God's answers- however you view God. Also, journaling is a great way to get to the bottom of what is going on in your life, what is bothering you and what you need to work on. Anxiety is not a bad thing as it can be a compass to what needs to be changed in your life. Deepak says you can either confront the issue, stand still or run. Decide which one you will do with every situation that comes up for you.

4. Get the body moving: Whether you walk, work out, yoga, swim, do something. Our bodies were not meant for the sedentary lives that we live now. We used to have to work hard just to get something to eat. We were forced to walk everywhere we went prior to the advent of transportation. Now our lives are set up for convenience but that comes at a price. A walk after dinner will lower your blood sugar, also, starting the day with the brisk walk helps to clear our minds and thoughts. Sweating will also eliminate toxins and help us to cleanse ourselves. Working out also has the same effect on our mood as taking anti-depressants and it's free! Try it out!

5. Last but not least: Do something for you! Among all the hard work that we do for others, it's easy to get lost in the shuffle. We often turn to others to meet our needs and then we end up feeling empty and angry when those needs are not met. Today, meet your own needs. If you need to be affirmed, affirm someone else, if you need time alone, take a long bath after the kids are sleep; if you need to break out of the box, research educational or employment opportunities. Give what you are in need of and you will be surprised to feel whole and fulfilled.

It's been a rough month for me and for a lot of you. But now is the time to move forward with a new attitude. My brother, Jermain always says, "May the rest of your life, be the best of your life." Join me today in getting back to basics, whatever that means for you! Let's make the end of the year the best time of the year.

Dealing with loss

There is nothing like planning a baby with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. When you picture his eyes and your smile; his metabolism with your love of pasta; his passion and your talent. You imagine how they will come together in a perfect bundle of joy. And when that seed is never planted, when your inner lining sheds month after month- there is an emotion akin to waiting for your father in the window; or waiting for that last check from your job only to return from the mailbox empty month after month. 

It puts a strain on your self esteem; puts a strain on your marriage; it even puts a strain on your trust and faith in God. You wake up to an empty womb and ask why? Time and time again. You believe, you expect and yet you come up empty. So you finally decide to move on. Maybe a baby is not in the cards. You find other ways to feel fufilled. You feel better, you go to baby showers of girls young enough to be your daughters and you cry happy tears. You do not allow yourself to ever be jealous. All things work together; God knows better than I, We trust God without question. 

And then one day the unthinksble happens: your period is late- 4 days late! And you gasp a breath of hope and close your eyes as you pee on the stick...TWO LINES!!! You don't care that it's 4am- you wake your husband. You cry happy tears, lay in his arms and begin to imagine what's going on inside of you. It has happened. The thing the Dr. told you was impossible (a less than 1% chance were his exact words) it. has. happened. And this wonderful man tells you he will never leave your side and this time you believe him. He tells you not to worry and you don't. You whisper a thanks to God and you relish in every moment of your pregnancy. 

Then one Wednesday after you broke taboo and attended a funeral and looked at your beloved in the casket- you wake up and don't feel pregnant. You tell him- he looks worried. You discuss it at work but by lunch the nausea and bloating has returned. But things never feel the same. Pain, nausea, cramping happen over the next week. And then that Friday, when you go for your first Ultrasound at 9 weeks the technician turns from the empty sac on the screen and says she doesn't see a baby. No baby. There is no baby. Only emptiness. A dream deferred. A shriveled up raisin wilting in the sun. 

Dazed, confused, shocked you look at the Dr as she explains your pregnancy is not viable. She tells you to expect blood where you were expecting booties and baloons that read "Congratulations." You leave your first Dr's appointment where you were supposed to confirm your due date, expecting blood...

The loss has been so heavy, the grief so palpable all you can do is lean on others for oxygen. You have no breath for yourself because where you once carried life, now you carry death. And you cannot believe this is your fate, your baby's fate. When the pain, cramping and bleeding get to the worst point you are comforted by other people online sharing their pain. You google "natural miscarriage" because that's what it's called when you wait at home to lose your baby rather than going to the hospital or Dr's office. That's a misnomer- you want to scream THERE IS NOTHING NATURAL ABOUT THIS!!!! A mother is supposed to carry her child, not miscarry. This is a life, not a football. You didn't drop the ball, you lost your little baby. It was your future, your promise, your legacy. And now it's a story in your book, a tragedy in Chapter 10 verse 13 of your life story. 

In life we are given Beauty for Ashes, and there are things that we will never understand. There are cycles and a time for everything. A time to live and a time to die. And for whatever reason, Tinoket was not meant to be born on May 9, 2017. Tinoket was meant to come for two months, bring immense joy and peace to your household and leave. So the lesson you take with you is that you can feel that joy and peace. That you are capable of that feeling even if your womb remains bare. You believe that Tinoket is with you always and that you will never be the same. 

Soaring Through the Storm

Soaring through the Storm... How profound the title of my blog. What that actually means became apparent this week through a conversation with a good friend. I've had this conundrum for a long time: whenever I committed myself to writing and publishing I felt like bad things would happen. Starting back in 2002 when I committed to writing and rapping- The next time I turned around- my daughter got diagnosed with epilepsy and shortly thereafter my marriage dissolved. I couldn't decide if it was my third eye opening and my inability to settle that precipitated my marital demise or was it that I love writing and performing so much that everything else got neglected. 

In 2008, fresh in a new marriage, I started writing and recording again. The next thing I knew- on the eve of publishing my first book: Love Letters, my second marriage started to fall apart. Then right after my album release- I fell ill and was hospitalized for 11 days... I have not tried to write, publish or record since. 

I worked establishing myself in these years. My husband and I reconciled and are working on building a long life together. I got the first two children out of the house and I am enjoying a friendship with my oldest daughter. I have a job and career that I love that utilizes my talents and gifts and I work with a supportive, loving team of women that is changing our community one women at a time. 

So... Moving forward...I've been stuck. I want to write and publish but I do not want things to fall apart again. I told my friend I wanted my home life to be stable before I wrote and published again. I told her that I didn't want to be like all of the ministers I grew up who were serving members in the church but their homelife was in shambles. I did not want to be like that! My friend urged me to pray and read several Psalms. It was during prayer, as I cried out to God about the situation I am currently going through that I heard so clearly that the answer is not in writing or not writing...or going through or not going through. The answer is in being transparent despite what I am going through. David in Psalms was transparent. He didn't ever have a private life that was stable or normal. His daughter was raped by her brother; his son tried to kill him and one brother killed another... What turmoil, what strife! But the answer for him was in crying out to the Lord and writing through his struggle- creating some of the most beautiful sonnets in history. Psalm 23 is so beautiful but it depicts agony... Walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death...juxtaposed with green pastures... Amazing imagery. David was not ashamed because he cried out to the Lord and knew God was hearing him. So I will do the same... Be transparent and write, while I'm soaring through the storm. 

The STORM

So my people have been going through a storm recently. Collectively and individually it has been rough. I have been thinking of what I can say that hasn't already been said. For a while I was numb, I didn't know what to say. I was doing my best just staying engaged at my job, keeping my kids safe and surviving. But then I decided that I wanted to grieve #AltonSterling #PhilandoCastille and still have some joy. I thought about all the greatness that has been a part of my people's struggle and I smiled. I thought about the times my ancestors faced death and triumphed. I thought of the times we broke barriers by traveling, being educated, having babies, staying married, walking away from abusive marriages, choosing love and being courageous. I have chosen to be grateful for the beauty in the ashes. It takes a lot of heat and pressure to make a diamond and what I see coming from my community is pure gold. I love the embraces, smiles, fists, taps to the heart, all because of what we are going through. I've even felt closer with the majority culture that I've encountered who look at me with sympathetic eyes. #Venus #Serena #GabbyDouglas #SimoneBiles #LaurieHernandez all triumphing during one of the most difficult times in recent US history. We are all in this together and we either soar together or perish together. 

So what am I saying? How do we get through these difficult times? Focus on gratitude. Appreciating the situation that we are in and those who are walking with you everyday helps keep you grounded. No matter what situation you find yourself in there is SOMETHING to be grateful for even if it's just the air in your lungs. Every area of your life, someone else would love to trade places with you. Even if you are homeless and in the shelter, there are people on the waiting list to get in the shelter. In every situation there is something to be grateful for... Find the jewel amidst the pressure. Express your joy and gratitude to those around you. Your kids, spouse, partner, parents, grandparents, sister-friends, Pastor, Rabbi, spiritual advisor... Take this week to say thank you so much for riding with me, for having my back, for celebrating with me, for loving me through my ups and downs. And to you, the reader, you are so important to me. Without me there is no you. I love and appreciate you. We can get through this because like Hillary and Bernie say- we are stronger together. Let's make a difference!

Love Stories

Why am I here? It's one of life's most pressing questions. I set out to answer this question by examining the relationships that made me. Both of my Grandparents were divorced, so were my parents. But my Uncle George (my Granny's baby brother) sparked something in me when he told me how much my parents loved each other. He told me, before he passed, that although they act like they hate each other now, there was a deep love and connection when I was conceived. That always stuck with me. It helped me in times where I felt like I was a mistake, or that I should have never been born. The pain of divorce will make you feel like that. But anyone who has experienced a period of infertility will tell you- being conceived is a blessing, and being born an even bigger blessing. We are not here by chance or mistake or happen stance. We are all made up of love and the relationships that made us are our love stories...I'm researching to uncover my love stories! 

I am. Who are you?

I am... How you introduce yourself speaks volumes about how you feel about yourself. Don't let anyone else or your circumstances tell you who you are. You are not what has happened to you. Speak those things that are not as though they are. Say: I am healed, I am secure, I am light, I am love, I am able, Ibam a provider, I am an overcomer. Put your past in the proper perspective: behind you. Stretch towards those things that are in front of you. Put excuses in the trash can where they belong. You are able, but more importantly: God is able. And He will send you the vision, insight, fortitude and ability to carry out the mission He placed in your life. 

Yesterday I attended church, received a much needed Word; went to see my Granny and take hercchicken like I do every Sunday; threw my daughter's baby shower; cleaned up; then sat down and wrote a 5-7 page paper for my on-line doctorate. I was tired but I had a joy in my heart and a feeling of purpose for each task completed. That is fufillment. I woke up this morning refreshed and focused. I am a writer. I will release my gifts. My gifts will make room for me. I will get back up and do it again! 

Practice introducing yourself in the mirror to build confidence in speaking about yourself. Whatever it is that you want in life you are going to have to show up, speak up and step up. You are already doing that in some part of your life. If you can do it in one area you can go accomplish your dreams. Pastor Humprey taught us yesterday that in order to get what God has for you, you must let go of past failures, embrace the unforeseen future and activate your faith. Start today. Let the past go and run boldly towards the future and believe in the great I AM! Who are you? I am Tanikka Price and I approve this message!

Passing the Test

I was sitting in church June 5, 2016 and the following came to me. I picked up my journal and began writing:

* When an issue comes up determine what the test is- find the tools and resources you need to help pass the test.

* Evaluate what you would have done and what the outcome would have been had you gone with your first impulse.

* Implementing the tools:What will you do and what will the possible results be? Now keep in mind the fruit of the Spirit and the personality of love. Is this action showing the fruits of the spirit? Is it coming from a place of love? Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruit of the spirit as love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. And Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails! (I Corinthians 13:4-8).

* Keep in mind the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and sin brings death. Is the decision rooted in love and life-bearing or will it bring destruction? This is the path and where we are right now. These are simple tests that I am failing. The small tests that we failed lead to failure in the bigger issues in our lives. Small foxes spoil the vine. Each vine is essential to the vineyard. The vineyard produces the fruit that brings the harvest that is our provision. Not protecting the vine leads to destruction of the vineyard once the vineyard is destroyed, provision cannot be made.

Without a vision, the people perish. Are you perishing? Is your seed perishing? We are the eyes, hands, feet, mouth and arms of God. What we see matters, what we touch matters, where we step matters, what we speak matters and who we embrace matters. Are you working on your God-given job full-time? Part-time? Are you currently unemployed? Laid-off? How you leave your current assignment can determine your next assignment. Do not leave your assignment until you are released. What is the most important thing we can do right now to get through these times we are living? Pray without ceasing.

Lean In

I just finished Lean In- the NY Times Bestselling book by Sheryl Sandberg. This was a great book. Sandberg is the COO for Facebook and she writes very candidly about the perils and promise of her career that started with Google and has taken off at Facebook. Although a lot of what was in the book may not have related to me as an African American women, (because historically we have had less of a choice about whether or not to enter the workforce and the implications of what that means for our families is vastly different than it is for white women) this book still helped to frame for me some things that are relevant for me at this point in my career. 

Lawyer:

As far as being a lawyer is concerned, I am taking a much needed hiatus. My last three year divorce case just wiped me out. However, I am committed to making enough money as a lawyer that I can afford to keep my license current and take the continuing legal education credits necessary biannually. Rather than continue to represent clients in contentious divorce cases, my thought is that I revamp my legal practice to focus solely on mediation and negotiation. I will only do divorces, child support and child custody cases for couples who are at a point that they want to sit down and work out an amicable arrangement that is in the best interest of one another. The spitefulness and bitterness of traditional divorces is just too stressful. I thought for many years that I would allow my license to lapse. However, I am very proud of becoming an Attorney. And should I ever get a call that I needed to serve my country (or Oprah for that matter) as legal counsel, I would want to be ready!

Community Health Educator:

I love educating women about how to be healthy. This is especially an issue for African American women who are dying at epidemic rates from preventable diseases. This is my calling. This is my life's work. I want to write and publish more papers over the next year and also speak more in Ohio and around the country on the benefit of social and emotional support during pregnancy on preventing poor birth outcomes. I also want to become more of a support for the women who work on my team. Sandberg pointed out how contentious the work environment can be and certainly it is not always easy dealing with different people who have different personalities, however, I have a gift for being able to deal with everyone and I want to utilize that to prevent isolation among the people at my job. I will continue to mentor the women in my program, Moms2B, and also attempt to motivate women to continue their education and employment, in essence taking the principals of Lean In and paying it forward. 

Writer:

I was in 5th Grade writing about Unicorns in my journal when I decided I wanted to be a writer. I was in Ms. S's class at Indianola Informal Elementary. I still have that journal. I love writing. It is so therapeutic. I also love reading. I have not been reading or writing for the past few years. I tend to be the kind of person who writes more when I am upset or going through because I NEED to write during those times. It is much harder for me to write when I am happy or when things are stable. If you read my diaries, you would think my life it horrible because all you'd see are tear stained pages. It is much more difficult for me to pick up the pen during the good time. so my goal for this year is to write. I have so many projects on my computer that are started so my goal is to start a writing collective, write consistently, relaunch my Love Letters book and work on my children's book and my Love Stories Book. I also want to finish the research on my Granny's book. I am so excited. Just like at the Dead Sea, I am the only thing holding me back from making a successful livelihood as a writer. I will continue to write and treat it as a career, not a hobby. 

Music:

I'm not sure where I want to go with my music. I love to rap and I'm sure that I will be rapping all the way until I'm elderly. It is part of who I am. I rarely get motivated to write rhymes these days but my girls have been talking about getting in the studio and writing and performing. We will see how that goes. For right now I have a lot of old material that I can polish up and release. My Black Girl Song books all have CDs/albums (both those terms seem obsolete in the age of Apple Music and Tidal) to accompany them. I don't have any plans or expectations but I am open to whatever happens. 

I'm ready. This is a great year. 2015 was about getting my home life together to support my career and public life. I think that has happened (still in progress) so I am ready to venture out into more areas and see where they take me. In addition to the above ventures, I will also continue to support my husband in his locksmith and property management business and I will continue to teach and learn (earning my EdD in a few years). What are your professional goals and what are you doing this year to move towards those goals? Share with me!

Wherever you are- you will make it through

Week 4, Day 3. Gratitude. If He brought you to it- He will bring you through it. It doesn't matter what the issue is- you can get through it. Through a strong belief in a higher power and the knowledge that you went through what you did for a reason. You can make it through! But on the other hand- you will not make it if you don't believe you will. If you think you can- you are right. If you think you can't- you are right. Be who you want to be in the future today. You are where you are for a purpose! Learn the lesson and move on (that's tomorrow's post). 

Attitude of Gratitude

Week 4, Day 2. What is guaranteed to turn your situation around? Gratitude! I remember laying in the bed with my right leg broken, glass in my face and neck, right head shaven and all I could think about was "Thank you, God!" I survived! My two small children 2 years and 6 months survived! Their car seats had just been adjusted by someone that I felt was trying to make me look bad but ALL things work together for the good! Car was totalled, I was broke, had Traumatic Brain Injury and didn't know my next move but I was so grateful. That feeling of gratitude for life has stayed with me ever since. There is nothing that gratitude cannot carry you through. I read about a family who lost all four children to the same genetic disorder. They spoke of being grateful that God blessed them with children and being grateful for each day they spent with their children. WOW. What a testimony of faith. So lift your head to the sky. Find your one piece of gratitude today and feel blessed because you are!!!!

Seeing Results!

Week 4, Day 1. Are you seeing results? If you do the work- you should see results. If you are not seeing your blood pressure going down- are you doing the work? Are you drinking hibiscus tea? Drinking 64-100 ounces of water? Excercising 30 minutes 3-5 times a day? Journaling? Meditating? Praying? My blood pressure has gone down, but lately my stress level has gone up. So I'm going to meditate before going to bed. I'm going to take my blood pressure tonight and plan my tomorrow accordingly. I still have three more week to get it down! Dr's appointment Thursday!!!